Lately, I have been studying Psalm 139 and have been encouraged by that fact that God knows me. He knows what I think. He knows what I’m going to say (or write) before I say it. He knows what I do in private as well as what I do in public. And He loves me anyway. He is with me always, surrounding me with His love and grace. He created me, forming each part and putting me together in my mother’s womb. He knows all my days–how many there are and what I would do with them–even before I was born.
I am amazed that God, Who created the whole universe and upholds everything by the word of His power (Heb. 1:3), even takes the time to think of me, let alone wants me for His child. Of all the billions of people on the earth now and have ever lived, He knows me completely. And loves me still.
The last two verses of the chapter are rather sobering, though.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
God has a plan mapped out for our lives. But we as sinners try to go our own way, want to do our own thing. Our natural inclination is to do what pleases ourselves not what pleases God. Even as a Christian with a new nature that God gave me, I still struggle with my old sinful nature. Unfortunately, it’s not dead yet. It’s hard sometimes to do what is right, or even if I do what is right, it’s hard to have right motives, the right desires.
We as mothers, desire for our children to excel, but for what reason? Is it so that God will get the glory for what He’s done in their lives, or is it more so that we can brag about how wonderful our kids are and what amazing things they are doing? Ouch! That realization has hit home lately. Not a pretty picture. Especially as I studied the words of the above mentioned verses. I pulled the phrases apart and looked at them, and what I found was a little sobering.
Search me, O God Penetrate me, O God (crack through the outer shell)
And know my heart Know the very core of who I am
Try me, Test/prove me (like metal)
And know my thoughts Know what I am thinking
And see if there be Discern if there is
Any wicked way in me Any grievous, idolatrous course in my life
And lead me Guide/transport me, straighten my course to follow
In the way everlasting The eternal way–one You chose for me from the beginning
If what we seek to do in this new year is not for the motive of ultimately bringing God glory, it becomes an idolatrous course which if not corrected, will lead in a harmful way. We need to allow God to penetrate the walls we so carefully construct around our hearts and allow Him to redirect our steps as He sees fit. Invite Him to know you–He does anyway. But with that inviting, let Him make the changes necessary in your life to bring you back to the path He has designed for you since before you were born.